These days I had a conversation about the simple fact that if you are comfortable with life you don’t have a task anymore. If you don’t have a task you won’t be productive and then your existence is doubtful. Remember me when I was downunder and our discussions about having those many options!? Sometimes I wished to have no option anymore – just to leave the decision to someone else or to life itself. But I see it’s coming down to simple necessities, called money here. And I figured out the difference between NZ and Germany – that counted for me: NZ leaves more options and leaves a person happier because if you there you are more quickly satisfied.
An example would be: Having sun, ocean and a fishing rod and (always) the good feeling of being alive is keeping me happy but leaving me unproductive. Coming back to a grey European country I feel the centuries of social tensions. This circumstance and maybe the fact that it’s not as easy to enjoy “the elements” cause it’s a bit of a rougher (social) climate, caused many people to act. Trying to to escape those “social tensions” brought results: Marx, Kant, Nietzsche, Sartre, Marcuse… and many more. This “pressure” was the reason for me to return. I missed it. But – of course – I hate it. It fuels my life and gives me a reason to live: To cope with it and to try to change something. Sounds stupid? Many times I asked myself why I still think this would be a task for me to stay here, waiting for the chance to bring myself into the “european” conversation when the time is right… It sounded to me like the story of Sisyphus or the old knight from Salamanca fighting the windmills.
It is, probably, the proof that my “behated” belief is part of me. It’s the subliminal cause for my decisions. A “belief”!